Today’s vlog is another of the “Best Of…” series we’ve been running. This one was originally released in November of 2023. It speaks to the conundrum of why some people “get it” when it comes to addiction recovery, and why some don’t. Is it because they can’t… or won’t? In this vlog, we get to the heart of that question.
Cannot or Will Not: A Big Book Insight on Addiction
Beyond the shadow of a doubt, the most important book ever published about addiction is Alcoholics Anonymous—“the Big Book,” first released in 1939. It names two realities that people with addiction recognize immediately: once you take in a substance, a switch flips, and cravings become overpowering… and when you abstain, a “strange mental blank spot” can erase your memory of why you must stay abstinent. That deadly combo is why the Big Book offers a simple program of recovery.
In Chapter Five (“How It Works”), there’s a line I’ve been fascinated by for years: “Those who do not recover are people who cannot or will not completely give themselves to this simple program.” Cannot or will not. It’s repeated again and again—can and will… or could not and would not.
Can and Will in Bright Line Eating
I get asked about motivation all the time. I always say: I’m not in the convincing business. I’m here to help the people who want freedom from food addiction. Because yes, maintaining Bright Lines is a lot. Not everyone wants to do it.
But sometimes what looks like “will not” is actually a “cannot” underneath—something deeper, more tender, more complicated. I’ve seen beloved people say no to the solution, even when the consequences are heartbreaking.
When “Cannot” Turns Into “Can”
I’ve also seen “cannot” melt when the will becomes strong enough. I once met a woman on a fixed income who sold her wedding ring to join Boot Camp. It moved me—and it startled me—but she was utterly certain it bought her years of vitality and a Bright Transformation.
And I’ve lived on the other side, too. In Sydney, Australia, I was in full relapse. I did every tool. I prayed. I planned. I committed. And still—I could not stop eating. Then I hired a life coach, and simply committing my plan to another person made the difference. My “cannot” turned into “can and will.” Why then? I can’t fully explain it. It was mysterious.
Why Weight Loss Can Trigger Food Cravings
In Bright Line Eating, we’re often dealing with food addiction and weight loss at the same time—a uniquely hard pairing. As the body heals and weight releases, cravings can flare. Smokers don’t crave more nicotine because their lungs are healing, but with food, the biology can feel cruel: healing can awaken urges.
Three Takeaways for Food Addiction Recovery
- Respect the cliff edge. If being Bright is feeling easy right now, don’t assume you can “fudge.” The swiftness with which a “can and will” becomes a “cannot or will not” can be horrifying. Bright Lines mark the cliff, and you don’t want to fall off it.
- Have compassion. When someone is in “cannot or will not,” it’s hard to know which it is. If someone used to be Bright and is struggling now—there but for the grace of God go I. They deserve our fullest compassion.
- Be Unstoppable. If you want to become a “can and will,” keep going. Turn over every stone. Pray. Ask new questions. Strengthen support. Try Reboot Rezoom, try Boot Camp again, double down on structures that hold you steady. Unstoppability will get you there.
Addiction is a beast. But still, it’s true: As the Big Book says, “rarely have we seen a person fail who thoroughly followed our path. Those who do not recover are people who cannot or will not completely give themselves to this simple program.” —Or decide to do a jig off the edge of the cliff once they’re recovered.
