If you struggle with your state of mind sometimes, I want to introduce two simple but powerful acronyms that I use to navigate social situations with ease, clarity, and grace. They’re especially helpful around the holidays.

Insecurity Is Not Uncommon

It’s common to feel insecure or self-conscious when interacting with family, friends, and colleagues. That’s particularly true for those of us who have an addictive or dopamine-dominant brain, and it can happen even when we “should” be feeling joyful. We struggle with our made-up stories of what people might think of us and with social interactions in general.

I experienced this recently at a Taekwondo tournament where my daughters were competing and winning medals. Despite this, I found myself caught in a spiral of insecurity, fueled by poor sleep and brain fatigue. Maybe you relate. When we’re angry, hungry, thirsty, or stressed, insecurity can take over. Then the temptation is to go for the food. What helped me in this case was remembering two acronyms.

Automatic Negative Thoughts (ANTs) Aren’t Always True

The first is ANTs, which stands for Automatic Negative Thoughts. Our brains have a built-in negativity bias that’s designed to keep us safe and is constantly scanning for problems. This was useful for survival centuries ago, but it also results in a flood of unhelpful thoughts when nothing is actually wrong. Recognizing that these thoughts are automatic and not necessarily true is the first step in handling them. Your brain’s job is to generate ANTs—they’re automatic, and you can’t control them.

How to Handle ANTs

To handle ANTs, check your facts first. Are you safe right now? Is all well? If so, do something to change your thinking. Try gratitude, for example—not just as a feeling but also an action. Something you can do to bring yourself back into the moment and out of your head. Gratitude as an action might mean making a gratitude list, either on paper, on your phone, or in your head.

Or try service. At the tournament, I just turned to my friend Tosca, who was with me, to ask how her classes were going, because she’s a teacher.

Or I might funnel myself back into the situation I’m in. Paying attention to my daughter winning a medal, for example. Then I’m there for her rather than in my head.

Make Use of WAIT: Why Am I Talking

The second acronym is WAIT, which stands for Why Am I Talking? When you’re feeling insecure or dysregulated, talking can sometimes make it worse. Consider the value of silence. Ask a friendly question of whoever you’re with, and then listen. Observe the world around you. Find something to do. This can be very grounding. There is wisdom in pausing, saying less, and letting the moment pass.

Together, ANTs and WAIT are practical, next-level tools for getting through socially demanding times like the holidays without turning to food or other coping behaviors. Awkwardness and insecurity always pass, and staying present allows us to experience the good moments.

I love you. Don’t eat that food. Food won’t fix these challenging moments. What does is learning to manage our thinking, staying grounded, and accessing a deeper, more lasting kind of contentment.