How can we develop a positive relationship with our body? Carolyn wrote in, saying that she started Boot Camp and had already lost more than 8 pounds. She told me, “Thoughts about food have quieted down quickly. However, I’m still obsessing about my weight. When do you think criticism about my body will go away?”
Carolyn, you’re not alone. This isn’t something that goes away on its own as readily as the food chatter.
How do we Begin to Think Negatively About our Bodies?
We don’t develop a negative body image by accident. It’s programmed into us by society from an early age. Sometimes by friends, parents, or role models. I had a playmate when I was ten who was a year older and very curvy. I remember an older male friend of the family commenting about the doors that would be open for her because of her body. Creepy, right? But it sent a message.
Fast forward several decades. We’re wiser, older, and kind to ourselves and others—but maybe not very kind to ourselves in this particular way. I recently thought of a new story in relation to body image for folks like me (and maybe you, too) who have bodies who have been through the wringer with food and weight struggles.
A Powerful Metaphor for Body Image
Here it is: Imagine a town that’s besieged by war for decades. Soldiers and tanks fight for years and years. One immense tank, in particular, never quits. That tank keeps everyone safe and sheltered, but at a price. It’s hit by bombs and gets dented and dirty, and it’s been through hell. When the town eventually, finally, wins the war, the citizens reward that beaten-up tank with their love and gratitude—they literally build a park in commemoration and gratitude to that special tank.
That tank is my body. If someone looked at the tank and commented just on its dents, the people of the town would silence them. When they look at the tank they feel only love, respect, and reverence.
That’s one thing I try to keep in mind: I have a no-putdown rule. Both in my head, and with my kids. In my family, I raised my three girls with a no-fat-talk policy. They never hear me talk about my body negatively, and I won’t let them say anything negative about their bodies, either.
Invoke the image of that tank, and whenever you hear an internal voice saying something negative, bite your tongue. Your cellulite? Those are bullet marks. Your body has kept going all these years, keeping you safe and doing what needed to be done at all costs.
What is a Perfect Body Anyway?
The second thing I’d say is to be careful of your focus on the gap between what your body looks like now and what your mental image of a perfect body is. That’s a no-win situation. There’s another, better gap to consider, and that’s what our body looks like now, compared to what it used to look like, or what it could be at its worst.
Notice how your body has improved since you started Bright Line Eating. Focus on function rather than form. Rather than thinking, How do my legs look in these shorts? Think instead: How do my legs function on this hike?
These ideas all involve reprogramming your thinking. Mantras of acceptance and humility can go a long way here. This is your body, and it may be war-weary.
How to Let Go of Negative Body Image
You likely have a part that holds onto negativity, and doing parts work can be helpful. You can use an IFS (internal family systems) therapist, take Everett Considine’s amazing course, or do Bright Line GRIT. As a Bright Lifer, you can go to Boot Camp 2.0, where you’ll find the module “Break Through Your Resistance Road Map.” Meditate or journal on the questions there.
Get curious about the parts of you that are resistant. What are they afraid of? Notice that what they want is love and acceptance. They think they want it from others, but actually, they want it from you and the divine flowing through you. Let them know that you see them and they are beautiful, and your body is just as it should be.
Your Body is Perfectly Imperfect
Like the tank, your body is worthwhile exactly for what it’s been through, and the war it’s won. All those dents and imperfections are the symbols of victory.
Lastly, I encourage you to form a body celebration group in Bright Lifers. Regularly invite people to share body victories.
Remember, the tank isn’t beloved because it functions impeccably. It’s beloved because of the battles it’s won and the fortitude it’s demonstrated. It never gave up. If we have freedom from food today, let’s celebrate the body that got us through that war. Let’s not let any internal spectator say anything disparaging about it. This is an ongoing journey, and it takes work and reprogramming. But it’s very possible.
