Hey there, it's Dr. Susan Peirce Thompson, and in this vlog I'm going to give anyone who is sometimes struggling with their state of mind as they interact with family, loved ones, colleagues, friends during the holidays, or any other time, I guess, a couple of acronyms that I find incredibly helpful to get through such situations with grace and a little bit more clarity and ease.
Let me explain. The reality is that those of us who have a more addictable brain or a dopamine dominant brain, we can get caught up in our head when we have to socialize a lot with insecurity, with feeling out of place, with struggling with what we imagine people think about us or just struggling with the social interactions. I think that this might actually be true potentially for just about anybody, and it's not just about the holidays. I was recently at a Tae Kwon Do tournament that my daughters Maya and Zoe were engaging in. As they were winning medals, literally winning medals in this Tae Kwon Do tournament, I was sitting there obsessed with how I was behaving and whether people were thinking weird things about me, and I was having an insecurity attack. Thank goodness I was there with my dear friend Tosca, who is so easygoing and not judgy in the slightest. We have such an easy rapport between us, but I was really not myself. Why? I hadn't slept well the night before. I've got perimenopause brain and I just hadn't slept well. And so, I felt off. Maybe you relate when we're too hungry, angry, lonely, or tired or stressed. Holiday time can be a good recipe for all of the above. We can get more insecure, more up in our head. It can be harder to function through social situations. Then the temptation, of course, is to go to the food.
Thank goodness I had my lunch packed for this Tae Kwon Do event, and no addictive eating happened, but still it wasn't very comfortable in my brain. What I reminded myself of were two acronyms. One is ANTs. It felt like I had ants in my head. ANTs, ANTs, and the acronym is ANT, and it's for automatic negative thoughts. Ants, ANT. Automatic negative thoughts. I mean, it's plural. So, the ANT becomes ANTs because there's lots of them in our heads. So, what do I mean by that? Well, the brain has a very famous negativity bias. This makes sense because any brain that just sits around and looks around at the environment and everything is hunky dory, is not going to be a brain that's proactively thinking about potential issues that could be there, like a saber tooth tiger that could be behind that bush about to pounce, or food stores that are growing low and need to be replenished quickly before winter sets in. Or, gee, the fact that there's a leak in the roof and maybe this shelter isn't going to last very much longer. We need brains that are seeking out problems at all times so that we can be motivated to get into solutions, to solve said problems, to ensure our survival. That's the kind of brain we have, the kind of brain we need. It's the kind of brain that is fit for helping us through life as it probably should be, except that we look around and we typically have shelter, and we typically have food in the fridge. And so, we just have these brains that are constantly telling us that things are wrong, even when nothing actually is wrong. It's generating automatic negative thoughts.
Why is this helpful? It's helpful to know that that's your brain's job at all times, is to generate ANTs. These automatic negative thoughts, they're automatic. You can't control them. They just pop up there and they may or may not be true. The brain has a negativity bias. What can you do about that? Well, you can ask yourself, what are the facts? I was doing this. I was just looking around going, what are the facts? Is anyone looking at me like I have five heads? No. Am I actually fine right now? Safe? Well? Okay, well, I don't know about well, but safe and okay, yes. Look at the facts, right? Facts. Then the second thing is to do something to change the thought. That could be gratitude, it could be service. Like I would turn to Tosca and say, Hey, how's it going with your classes? Are you feeling prepared for the upcoming week in biology class? She's a teacher, so I would just ask her about herself, or I would funnel myself back into the reality of the situation where I was, oh, look, there's my daughter winning a gold medal in a Tae Kwon Do event. That's pretty exciting. Maybe I'll be right here right now instead of up in my own head. Look, it's holiday time. There's family around. I actually like some of these people. Why don't I spend some time with them?
That's the solution, is to check the facts and then do something to change your thinking behaviors are best and actually making yourself have a thought of gratitude is in a way a behavior. Gratitude can an action, not just a feeling. Service can be an action, obviously. These are some of the things that handle the ANTs.
The other acronym is WAIT, and it stands for why am I talking. W-A-I-T. WAIT. Why am I talking? Because when we're in a state, sometimes talking isn't the best. There's safety in silence. There just is. Sometimes things don't need to be said. Sometimes more doesn't need to be said. Wait. Why am I talking? How about I ask someone else a friendly question and then be quiet and let them talk for a bit? How about I find something useful to do and not talk at all? How about I just look around and notice how wonderful it is that there are no saber tooth tigers behind said bushes and just think, wait, why am I talking?
These are some next level skills for getting through the holidays. Remember about the ANTs? They're automatic, they're negative, they're not helping anything. And WAIT. Why am I talking? Just don't. Just don't. Safety in silence. Get out of your head. Don't talk. Do something productive. It always passes the insecurity. The awkward moments, they always pass. Even the whole holidays, they pass, they pass. And if you're not paying attention, you'll miss the good moments.
That's the weekly vlog. I love you. Don't eat that food. It won't help. It won't help. What you're looking for is a much, much deeper form of contentment that comes when you handle your thinking in other ways. And there's lots of tools. ANTs. WAIT. Love those acronyms. That's the weekly vlog. I'll see you next week.
